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There are things in life (like breathing and eating) that are not negotiable. You can’t get by without doing them, and they are good for you. And there are things in life (like exercising, de-cluttering) that are apparently negotiable. These are also good for you, but you can get by without doing them.

What’s the difference between the two? One difference would be that by not doing the non-negotiable things you end up with some sort of physical pain or discomfort, while not doing some of the negotiable things doesn’t cause physical pain, at least not immediately. It does cause emotional stress on some level though; otherwise you wouldn’t be thinking about them.

Now here’s a trick. If we could consciously move our tasks from the negotiable basket into the non-negotiable basket, we would easily improve ourselves, work towards a healthy life, get rid of bad habits like procrastination, become more productive and less stressed – we could easily bring good things in our lives.

How do we do that? How do we move things into the non-negotiable basket? It takes some discipline but it can be done.

It’s a process that can be broken down into specific steps. Here are some steps I find useful. You can try and use these steps as such, or as a start to develop your own.

Step 1. Choose something important

If it’s not something important, you probably don’t want to do it anyway, and you certainly don’t want it to be non-negotiable. It must be something important for you, that you are sure you want to do. This step should be easy.

Step 2. Decide that it is not negotiable

This is a natural continuation to step 1, but it can be used to filter out some of the things you aren’t quite sure that are important or that you really want to do them. So:

Decide with all your conscience, with all your being, say it out loud, write it on the walls – do whatever you feel is necessary to tell yourself that you have a positive decision. Make yourself heard by yourself. Let yourself know that you decided that something is not negotiable.

The decision formula should be something like I will do X because Y. I will wake up earlier because I will have more time to myself. I will bring lunch to work because I will save money.

Try not to put want in the formula (I will bring lunch to work because I want to save money vs. I will bring lunch to work because I will save money – notice the difference? If not, just take my word for it ).

Make sure you really want the Y; know that you will accomplish the Y if you do the X.

This step should be a bit more difficult than step 1, but still easy enough. Pay attention to your intuition, if you can’t really focus on the Y, maybe you don’t really want it. Use this step as a filter for things you think you want but you actually don’t.

Step 3. When time comes, do it!

At first, this is the most difficult part. But really, this step is a skill. It has all the characteristics of a skill. You can learn it. You can practice it. And the more you practice, the better you are at it.

Any skill is supposed to be difficult at first. Perhaps you remember the first time you used a mouse. Or a keyboard. Now you click and type and you don’t even think about it. That’s partly why it’s so easy! Because you don’t think about it. If you thought about all the keys you press, or how far you should move the mouse, it wouldn’t be easy any more, would it?

So, when the time to do something that is not negotiable comes, just dive into it! Don’t give it a second thought. If you do give it a second thought, even for a second, then you open the door to the possibility of not doing it. So just automatically tell yourself that it’s not negotiable. Switch to autopilot and go for it.

You are your biggest enemy in accomplishing stuff. When the time comes, if the thought of not doing it for whatever pretext creeps in, don’t dwell on it. There is no choice to be made here! The decision whether this will be done or not has already been made and this mental chatter is just a waste of time. Shut it off! It’s not negotiable.

As you practice this not negotiable meme you’ll see how easy it becomes and how effective it is.

Step 4. Enjoy

After you have done the thing which was not negotiable, take a moment to enjoy it, and remember the feeling.

What if you get stuck at some step?

If you get stuck at step 1, it probably means you don’t know what you want, which, according to some, is a serious issue. You must first sort out what it is that you want. The best way to do this is to spend some time alone (a lot of time; as long as it takes) to think about it (not while browsing the web, reading, watching TV etc). I will elaborate on how to do that in another article.

If you get stuck at step 2, maybe you have a not-so-good relationship with commitments and responsibility, which, again, according to some, is an issue. Take this opportunity to get better at it. If you cannot get past this step, I suggest you choose something smaller but still fairly important and commit to it to start building momentum.

By far, most people get stuck in step 3. The brain has a way of finding pretexts / excuses. It can get very creative on account of laziness, and find all sorts of things to do instead (I’m sure you know what I mean). Here are a few tips to help with the third step:

• Treat something that is not negotiable as if you gave your word of honor; as if you promised that you’ll do it to the person you care most about.
• Remember why you want to do this. You want to do this because you decided that it’s best for you. You will do X because Y.
• Shut off mental chatter as soon as you catch yourself thinking about not doing it. I’ve said it before, but it’s so important that it bears repeating.
• Do it without thinking (again, said before, and again, you guessed, important).

As a general rule, you don’t want too many items in your not negotiable basket. Just the very few important ones. Also, don’t forget that the non-negotiable model is a skill. As such, it has a learning curve, and you’re supposed to practice it. However, your ultimate objective should not be to get better at this skill, but to accomplish the Y. The skill is just a means that helps you get there.

Negotiating may be a powerful and useful skill in many business and even personal areas, but learning not to negotiate can be useful too.